Divided we stood….My Dad’s final days

March 21, 2013

My Dad’s battle with renal failure is almost coming to an end. I have been taking care of him around the clock. About twenty some days ago he threw up a lot of blood combined with stomach acid . My Father didn’t want us to treat his disease aggressively therefore it was a tough call for me when I decided not to take him to the hospital. For most of the night I had one arm under his head and with the other hand I was holding the bucket for him. (the servant who was sleeping in his room ran outside as he didn’t have the stomach for it) . I wasn’t prepared for what came next- after giving him his meds, he was awake but his frail body was sort of paralyzed. I finally understood the meaning of “the room caved in on me ” I got very nauseous watching him like that.

He is all skin and bones within days and he is in severe pain. His body is like a machine with too many broken parts where you just can’t fix it anymore.

For him being at home is like being in a hospice. His staff consists of 5 servants and one night time nurse. He is surviving on just saline/dextrose 500 ML drip everyday. We ran out of veins from his arms to hands including his feet. I hope this one is his last drip because the pain is too much for him and my pain is beyond anything I have witnessed other than one fine day, watching my Mom take her last breath . I had seen in the movies but never in real life and yet it didn’t seem real. I thought I was dreaming perhaps -then I thought I should just lay on my Mom so the Angels wouldn’t know which one take. A lot of scenarios were going through my mind-I didn’t want her to go.

Somehow in my head I had imagined that with renal failure he will go quietly , I never did anticipate his rapid deterioration. Surprisingly for someone who hasn’t eaten for over two weeks, his mind is as sharp as ever and his grip is very strong. He is still talking but it is hard to understand him sometimes because of a dry, raspy throat. My family members thought that by giving him IV drips is prolonging his agony . It was like divided we stood under one roof. I told them it was not only unethical but cruel .
It is a tough time for all of us deciding the right way to move forward for my Father but I tell my siblings with a little bit of empathy, some compassion and a lot of common sense one can figure it out easily . Just let it be and pray-leave the rest in God’s hand.

I don’t know who suffers more, him or I when he screams in pain as each time I hold his hand telling him , daddy it is going to be all right somehow. He is under sedation but when he comes out of it , he is lucid. People are pouring in all ready to see him. They say he was a legend and a well known figure around here. I wish I had more time with him. For one’s parents one lifetime is never enough.

I believe everyone has a spiritual journey going home no matter what religion. I pray my Dad doesn’t suffer more than he has to in his journey.

I have decided to hire a hit man to take me out when my time comes, in case I am not ready to go! What if there is more life in one to live, what if no matter what battles you lose with your health issues but your heart inside doesn’t want to die. What if it is hard to accept the inevitable.

Sarah.

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Burning Of The Quran? 9/11 Protest

Some idiot came up with this idea to burn the Quran on September 11, 2010.  I wonder what vision he had from God.  Perhaps it was just a propaganda to work on American public emotionally.  It was some sick psychological game being played by some people who wanted to make a statement, create negative attention and a clever idea  to manipulate the people in turning against each other.   Ignorant people actually think this burning is going to solve the issue? Rome was burnt too, many times by some man who possessed moronic characteristics.  But I don’t see it wiped off from the Atlas.  My Father told me that in his younger days, when a Quran would get so old that it was unreadable, they would tie it with bricks and drown it in the river out of respect for the Holy Book.  I doubt burning is any different.  So stupid people, wake up.

I was always against the idea of a mosque being build where thousands of innocent lives were taken for no reason .  They died and it wasn’t even their battle. They were just ordinary people like you and I, trying to make the best of what was given to them…………in the form of life.  Out of respect for the families who lost their loved ones, we as Muslims should have  just left that  one alone.  If Muslims want to build Mosques everywhere then I suggest you go back to where you came from, and raise your children in an Islamic way and knock yourself out in the process.  When you live in a Western country then expect certain changes and don’t force those people who let you in to adapt your ways.  They must accept you for who you are otherwise you wouldn’t be residing in NY trying to force a Mosque upon them.  Idiots.

I think the American Government should buy the land and make a park there with lots of beautiful flowers (” flowers are the most beautiful things God ever created, but forgot to put a soul into it”)and trees to remember those whose fate was decided by some evil forces behind this horrible act of violence.  I hope that the people behind it suffer a lot  not only in this world but the world after.

A friend of mine, Joseph brings up the following argument, someone who can think might consider the facts, but to an idiot and incompetent head this is somehow a conspiracy theory.  I don’t know which category do you fall in.

Joseph  states that  99.9% of Muslims are not terrorists or dangerous people.  They just want to be left alone as most people do, raise a family, make some money, and live in peace, have multiple wives etc etc.  Muslims share the same human nature with everyone else.  People accused my friend of ignoring history, he claims he knows a lot of history.  60.9 million soviet citizens were murdered by their own government between 1917 and 1987 (R.J. Rummel).   Up to 84 million Chinese were killed by their communist government.  (Id.) The Catholic Church is not banned in most Islamic nations as it is in China and Russia.  Pol Pot murdered 2 million Cambodians in 3 years . The people involved in this were not inspired by Islam .  In fact, many of those murdered were muslim.  When in recent history have muslims ever murdered, anywhere near that number?
It is a historical fact that the communists in the Spanish Civil War destroyed thousands of Catholic churches, murdered 7000 priests, nuns, and bishops, violated tabernacles, nailed Hosts to the walls and committed innumerable sacrilege between 1936 and 1939.  Muslims are not holding priests, bishops and cardinals and lay Catholics in jails in China.   Muslims do not control the American Federal Reserve that is destroying the American economy, that they don’t control Cuba, North Korea, China or any of the other states that enslave and murder their citizens daily (with the exception perhaps of George Bush’s business partners, the Saudi’s)  that they don’t control the CFR, the Bilderberg group, or the eugenics movement that claims that humans are a cancer on the earth and that 90% of us have to be eliminated. (Their words) Islam is not the big problem here.  Of course, if the west continues to bomb weddings with drone airplanes, destabilize and invade their countries, kill civilians, defame them with false accusations, incite hatred and contempt for them via their malicious propaganda, then it could push even the peaceable muslims to a global Jihad against the west.  This constant denouncing of Islam is not just stupid, and  presumptuous, it is a deliberate blindness to relevant history and reality; it is sinful in its desire to arouse passions against, and contempt for innocent human beings, and a crime that may lead to the further destruction of what is left of Western Civilization. (Today’s protest on ground zero is just the beginning)That Satanic Pastor had no intentions of burning the Quran, he succeeded in planting  a seed of hatred and violence which is going to fester in the minds of Americans for years to come.

I think that the Muslims do not understand that they will always be judged by their most extreme and violent citizens.  It is the same as to what happened to the American japanese after the attack on Pearl Harbour in 1941 to bring America into WW2.  I am sure that 95% of the Japanese people were nice people but their crazy, psycho, power and money hungry leaders got them all whipped up, for instance Hitler, Mussolini, Castro and the list goes on.

It is a fact that perception turns into reality when one sees or experiences only the negative aspects of any culture……. human nature.  When you go through a bad time caused by someone, I doubt you are going to sit there and look at the bright side of the picture.   The only bright side at that time is to take a revenge.  Tooth for tooth, blood for blood.  Can you really blame Americans? How would you feel as a Muslim if an American/Christian had killed your families?

I am sure like in any other culture there are still 90% of good Muslims that exists in today’s world.  Instead of sitting and talking about the bad name they are getting, they should get united and fight against the maniacs.  I think those 90% have no balls and that 10% is going to keep causing us shame and disgrace not to mention harm to the innocent people.

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Me, Myself and I.

“I knew we were kindred spirits from the first time I met you Sarah!
I may have been tempted to slap you a few times at first, and then
I fell in love with you instead. ”  by Florence A.
 
  
The above statement was issued by a close friend of mine of many years.   I do have that effect on people.  Most people don’t make it to the second phase which will explain why I am  still single.  So I wouldn’t be surprised if any of you (readers) get offended by my Blogs/ Blobs and then if you get this sudden urge to slap me, please do know that in College I took some karate classes.  However, the best self-defense method that  worked out great for me while growing up was at the time of the dual,  I would run to the  nearest bedroom,  lie on my back and use my both legs swirling and twirling around in the air to block any hostile attack.  My sisters couldn’t get to me passed my legs actually I should say my feet as Big Foot was named after me.
 
Disclaimer by the Author (that would be me): If any one finds my blog offensive, or if I hurt your  feelings  please do know it will have no effect on me what so ever and  I shall not apologize for it.   This is just my opinion, doesn’t make it right or wrong.
  
Besides, how can I possibly offend you, when I don’t even know you?  It amazes me everyday how many politicians, ordinary people, famous people spend time apologizing for one thing or another.  Come on people why give that much power to someone so as to make your life miserable?  Perhaps it was already miserable and you just had to put the  blame on someone else.   My suggestion,  life is such,  people are mean .  World is cruel.   Get over it and grow up for Heaven’s Sake.   In any event,  if I do end up making you cry then you can always hide behind your Mommy’s skirt.
 
 Introduction:
I am a product of hard  labour by the same manufacturer located in Pakistan. They designed seven of us in total.  My Mom wanted a son so badly that she kept going on like an energized battery.  Her prayers went to the Seventh Heaven and the seventh child turned out to be a boy, therefore  you must  know then we are six sisters.  I rank number five.  My sisters are all beautiful, well educated and more or less have the same looks and possess the same demeanor as  each other.  I, on the other hand am a little different.  Okay I lied, a lot different.  I have been informed that when I was born, I was literally a blue colour baby due to receiving some ultra radio-active rays while my Mom was still pregnant with me.  Some in my family may debate that it damaged my brain too, but I beg to differ.
 My sisters' complexion are light, we call it "fair-skinned" in Pakistan.  With the passage of  time, my blue colour turned into dark brown and slightly black.  In the States it is called ' having a great tan', but back home it is associated with the lower class.  I guess it started with my colour and it landed throughout in my defacto personality, I was just different in every possible way.  One of my friends, in a moment of weakness wrote this about me (no, I did not pay her to do so).
 
 Sarah, like a jewel, you are multifaceted with sides hidden when 
others are in clear in sight, and so rare because I’ve never met anyone like you
Someone in your family dropped the mold and broke it, and that is the moral of the story as to why there is
only one of you.
 
Now people, personally I  know dropping of a such mold had nothing to do with my arrival on this planet, perhaps I was conceived due to my Mother’s extra curricular activities with the Milk Man.   Mother Mary and Sister Benedicta of St. Marys’ Convent School will validate this theory of mine.  They always said while making a reference to my being disobedient, blunt and a rebellious child that I didn’t look or behave like any of the Piracha sisters. 
 
 Coming To America:
I came to the States almost two decades ago when I was among the Young and Restless and now I belong to the Bold and the Beautiful.  I like to think I  am aging gracefully.  The ones who are not aging, well they are already dead.
 
Education:
 I went to an English School, Catholic Convent School for ten years and then I have my B.A degree in
 International Affairs and Political Science from Kinaird College.
 
Interests/Hobbies:
I enjoy camping, dancing, hiking and action movies.  I am almost a gourmet
cook and I don't mind cooking as long as someone else does the dishes.  I also enjoy Italian and  French Opera (Only because I don't know what they are saying nor do I care to find out).
 
 Personality:
I have a dry sense of humour (I don't know what this means) but I use it anyway as most people don't get my humour.   I know it is not abnormal because I make people laugh, (unless they are abnormal too) and a wet sense of humor just didn't sound right,  I had heard of dry humour and I decided to use it for myself.  When I say something off the wall, and I get all the stares, I say oh I have such a dry sense of humour.  It must be true because then they all smile nodding their heads.  Affirmative.
 
 
I am kind, sweet, have a great heart yet a little feisty, with me one knows where they stand.  I am cursed with empathy where if I pay attention I can actually feel your physical or emotional pain.  It was bringing me down.  People are really depressed, I found out.  Sometimes I want to smack them around and tell them to snap out of it.  Instead of turning to the act of violence,  I learned to  tune myself out.  They keep talking and I keep nodding my head and once in a while I will utter the words like : oh really, I am so sorry, oh you poor thing and I give them my water proof shoulder to cry upon.  I must have given great advice somehow to most people as they still keep coming back for more.  Did I mention that none of them have tried to jump off  a window after talking with me? ( not yet anyway.)
  
My Inner Goddess:
I know Shakespeare had me on his mind when he wrote " In thy face I see honour, truth and loyalty" (somewhere he forgot to add beauty and intelligence).  His endorsement must be valid as I used it in a job interview when asked to tell them about myself.  Either that or it could have been my answer to dealing with the stress at work 'intrigued' the good Doctor, therefore  I became his Office Administrator.  I had replied to him that I would go home and slip into my bath tub and say "Calgon take me away". 
  
 I Keep Telling Myself:
 I am the best thing that ever happened to the opposite sex. They just don't know it yet. 
 
My friend Jay, said to me once that it took him good five years to get used to me.  I was too afraid to ask him what he meant by it, so I took it as a compliment.
 
Some say for past few years I have been quite difficult at times.  I tell them I have been suffering from long-term PMS.
 
  
Ps:  My disclaimer is good for all my future  BLAH, BLAH and some more BLAH-S.   Also do know that English is my second language therefore I may be whispering sweet nothings , however to someone else the sound might be a bit different and offensive. 
 
Stay tuned as Days of Sarah’s life moves to some dating challenges, life in San Francisco, advise on Alpha men, mean -useless women and on to a road I hardly travelled…which is Pakistan.
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War on Terror/Jihad

Most of my American friends are scared of the word “Jihad”.  So they asked me what it meant, like I was some great scholar.  Here is what I think.  Now for you (the readers) if I have anyone reading it, this is not for you to contradict or to refute, this is just my opinion.  I could be wrong but then I could be right?

 Michael, this is an answer to your email regarding Jihad website.  I thought to give you an insight not my two cents, but at least $200.00 dollars worth! (Inflation)

  I am going to quote Edward Griffin here, when asked to speak about The War on Terror, he said that he feels like a mosquito in a nudist colony, where he knows what to do but doesn’t know where to start.  That is how I feel as well, so I will try to make this short and simple for you.    Being a Muslim woman sometimes I criticize Islam more than an average person.  The religion is great it is the people who think they practice it, are evil sometimes.  However, one should not be scared of Muslims but the communists.  Just as communism infiltrated IRA, (The Irish Republican Army) the same thing  seems to be happening with Islam.  Jihad means when you defend your family or country against the enemy attack and the Key word is that the attack being initiated by the enemy.  So first of all killing innocent people does not qualify as Jihad at all (even I know that and I really don’t know much). This is an example of the news media distorting reality, which is why I think some vast majority of ignorant people heard about it and started calling the killings as Jihad.  Just as most Americans think that Allah is a Muslim God whereas it means God in Arabic.  And for your information there is just one God regardless where you pray.  Maybe in a Mosque or a Church, Temple or sit under a tree like Buddha did.

  Catholic Church is always under attack due to the molestation charges, etc., it doesn’t mean that it is Jesus’ fault or should we blame the religion itself?  Growing up as a Muslim myself, I did go to a Catholic School for ten years taught by British Nuns….St.Mary’s Convent School and that was in a Muslim country.  So you see we do believe in everyone having the right to choose their religion and just because Christians were there we did not declare Jihad against them.  No religion teaches you to create violence or do bad things, it is the people who do bad things to other people regardless of their faith.  Unfortunately Muslims have attracted negative attention throughout the world.  Heck even I get scared when I see an Arab or a Middle eastern on a plane when travelling.   When Mohammed’s cartoon came out, you seriously think that Muslims are that smart to organize huge protest just like that?  If you read history you will know that only Communists parties have been able to orchestrate such demonstrations in such a short time.  How did you think they got the Danish flags?   Having an access to American flags I can understand but Danish, most people don’t even know how they look like, do you? The reason being as they are not so popular in the “Malls.” So obviously Muslims just didn’t gather around and went to the store bought a lot of flags to protest.  It was staged by some greater evil power and is really not IslamSame thing happened on May 1st with Haymarket riot in Chicago in 1886 or 1887. And do you honestly think it is a coincidence that last year and this year the immigration rallies took place on May 1st? Not planned by uneducated Mexicans?   As far as I am concerned, Prophet Mohd. is no longer alive and I am sure he didn’t care regarding the cartoon and neither did I. (We both got over it) and I am sure it didn’t make Muslims mad as they appeared to be.    The problem lies within The UNO and perhaps you might not agree (I have no clue what you learnt at UC Berkley) but for you I am putting down few points:  

 1. I hope you do know that UNO was formed right here in San Francisco by Alger Hiss who was a communist.(He was convicted of lying about his communist connections)

   2. The man in charge of UN military was always a communist from the Soviet Union.  

 3. The UN Charter just like a constitution says that all humans have rights and those rights come from a Govt. and not from God which of course is not true.  Thus UN claims that it has the right to deny those rights to whomever they think is necessary.  This is incompatible with our Constitution therefore no US official can knowingly support the UN without violating his oath of Office.  

  Personally I think do what you did to Japan to end The WW2, as there is no way out of the mess created in Iraq. Unfortunately lots of innocent people die this way but then they are being killed anyway. Lawrence of Arabia once wrote to one of the Lord’s in England about Arab and Turks. “It is their war, not ours and we should not fight for them but give them the tools.”  Well, something like that, as The English were helping the Arabs against the Turks.  This statement goes for Iraq as well.    Here is a bonus point for you: A communist is a socialist in a hurry.  No, I didn’t come up with the definition, someone actually beat me to it.

 Also, just want to set the record straight, there are no 70 virgins when you go to Heaven.  It is only 7 and I personally think that is not true as then it would mean God is only favouring the guys as it is not made clear to me in the Quran that  James Bond (his virgin version into seven times) awaits my arrival on the other side?  Hmm, now that is the thought for the day!

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Words Of Wisdom by my Daughter

My 22-year-old daughter is not challenged enough at her job.  She
works for Corporate America as a financial analyst.  To most people it
is a dream job.  As far as she is concerned, she states that even a
monkey (an intelligent monkey, she added) can do her job.
Just the other day she said to me she needed a job with risks and
excitement and some adventure.......... I said oh, the CIA?  She said,
no, a high-end thief.  I didn’t know what it meant.  Then she
explained it to me – “You know, like Zeta Jones in some movie".  I said oh more like Bernie Madoff!”  I guess it never
occurred to me that I had produced such a  creative being who knows not only how to get rich but find a husband in the process as well, Katherine Zeta did.  I  was thinking
yeah, that will give me something to write about on my blog. Then
she clearly advised me not to do so, not due to what people might think of her, but only because she said didn’t
want anyone to steal her idea!
She has been itching a lot lately, she had some allergic reaction to
something but she claims it to be a sign from her divine body itself that she should reside in a nudist colony.
We both were watching TV, and
I said to her " I wonder how this world will look in 20 some years,
perhaps aliens will actually take us over."  She said, " They already
have."  I frowned, to which very quietly she
replied," look outside, there are Asians everywhere along with some other specie/s ".
We should buy a house, looking at her closet......there was the down-payment.  I think she is the second runner-up if not right there with Imelda Marcos when it comes to her shoe collection.  How many shoes can one wear? I only own perhaps 6 or 7 pairs. It is more than enough. I only buy what I need not what I want , life is so much simpler this way.  I told her we needed to watch our useless expenses. " I said," we should start saving in order to buy a house so when I am dead you can live there", she said as long as I didn't die in that house.
 
 
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By George, I think I have got it!

After my daughter set me up with this blog account and explained it to me how to get started, you would think I got it. But then you don’t know me. If Face Book is too complicated for me, then I am sure figuring this out is going to be rather an impossible task for me.  I have often made fun of people with blogs, wondering why would someone be interested in someone else’s life? I have never read anyone’s blog nor do I intend to. Therefore I guess it would be fair if no one reads mine, although I must tell you it shall hurt me deeply.

Before I go any further, I have been wanting to say this for so many years to all of you, America. I am so sorry about 9/11. I am a Muslim and from Pakistan. I have been in the States for over two decades and I love it here. This is my home where I have raised my daughter. I am blessed with great friends over the years.  It breaks my heart to think about the horrific day. Please accept my apologies on behalf of my Country and few good Muslims (although the way I have lived my life here and according to Muslim standards I think I am burning in Hell when I depart from this world!) but will discuss that another time.

One of my best friends wants to write a book about my life. I was very excited as I thought it would make a good lifetime movie. However he stated that Lifetime Channel doesn’t do comedies.  Well here goes his opening paragraph/s.

By Sarah K. with Joseph L.  Jr., B.A., J.D.

My name is, of course, Sarah .  Sarah TALLAT  is my (almost) full name.  You may have heard of me.  Then again, you may not have.  I am rather well-known, in some circles anyway.  But then, perhaps you are a loser.

I was born in Pakistan.  For you Americans in the audience, Pakistan is a country next to India, in the Asian subcontinent.  Of course, if you are an American, you probably don’t know where that is either.  We are not a Middle Eastern Country, please refer to your fifth grade geography book.

Don’t get me wrong, I may be from another country but I am very American.  I have adapted to all of the American culture, from Oprah to Dr. Phil.  I firmly believe that there is a pill for every occasion, and my favourite restaurant is Mc Donald’s.  But I have graduated to Denny’s now.

I must tell you however, that I am from a family that is probably not very like yours, because my father was wealthy.  We always lived in big houses, with huge gardens and many servants, butlers, chauffeurs, cooks, gardeners, and other domestic help.  My sisters and I grew up in a world of privilege, surrounded by the better things in life.  But all lives have their challenges.  Mine was, that I was sort of the black sheep of the family.  As my skin colour was darker than that of my sisters, I always got the short end of the stick, so to speak.

For example, in Pakistan we still have arranged marriages.  All of my sisters married rich doctors.  I had to settle for an engineer.  A civil engineer at that.  Not even a nuclear engineer or a biochemist.  But that is another story.  Well, sort of.  Because it all had to do with my coming to America you see, after we were married, we came to America after honeymooning in the British Isles, and settled in California.

I also have a daughter.  Many people, in fact everyone, tells me that I have done such a great job raising her.  Now she is in university studying I don’t know what. (Really I didn’t know) till she got her double B.A degree from UCSB.   She does very well with her grades and soon she will have a job in a skyscraper making lots of money.  Then she can give some to me.  Actually, if you asked her, she would tell you she raised herself.  This is not true, really she was raised by me and various poverty-stricken idiot friends that I have, among them Michael, and Jay.

So let me go on with my story.  You can pretend if you like, that I am telling you all of this over the phone in my slightly accented but flawless English, as I flip my hair with my other hand.

Ps: I don’t know if Honeymooning is a word, but my daughter tells me I shouldn’t worry about it as this is my own blog.

Ps #2:  Part two of this story continues under Me, Myself and I.  Sorry I tend to jump from A to Z at times.  If you lose me it is okay, as half of the time even I don’t know whether I am coming or going!

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